12 Comments
Oct 29Liked by allyson.

I loved this and was surprised to get a notif about my cameo!

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of course! i couldn't just steal your words!! thank you for reading <33

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"In this clamoring for the 'real' man, I can’t help but wonder if we’re not truly calling for a revival of masculinity but rather a resurgence of traits deeply rooted in misogyny." 🎯

I'm sure not everyone who argues for a "return of masculine men" intends it this way, but the whole idea reeks of the "back in my day, people could say [insert bigoted comment], but now everyone's too sensitive" mentality. a lot of traits that we consider traditionally masculine do quite literally hinge on misogyny -- I mean the categories of masculine and feminine were designed to be opposites, and the whole idea of a manly man means the rejection of all things feminine.

also the section talking about abuse. god, it really is the same every fucking time. society is so happy to give outright dangerous men chance after chance after chance and then say the women they've abused just didn't try hard enough or deserved that treatment. (and this is why those shitty romance movies that romanticize abuse -- the After series being the first coming to mind but there's countless other ones -- make me go berserk when ppl enjoy them. use your brain and stop encouraging more of this garbage to be shoved down our throats!!!)

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rachel, i love you!!!! YES, IT'S THE BACK IN MY DAY NONSENSE LMAO ughhhhh i love your brain so so much. thank you for always leaving such long and nuanced comments. ilysm <3

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I suppose another instance of the manosphere poisoning broader conversation. If a man isn't "hard" than he's "soft."

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no exactly. like what if they're in the middle??? thank you for reading, matt.

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Oct 29·edited Oct 29Liked by allyson.

this is a really insightful and nuanced allyson :)

I think the most aggravating thing is how aggressive and exclusive these cultural gender philosophies are - I don't think there’s anything inherently wrong with being a trad wife, but I think it's insane how hard both sides are pushing for and against it. It’s not that I to some degree don’t feel the same way, but it’s insane to not know someone and judge them a product of brainwashing. it's crazy to try so hard to push nara smith into a box she clearly doesn't fit

that said, I think the odds that these old norms are the best possible version is pretty low. I just wish we treated it as a more personal decision. I'm sure a more traditional wife role is right for some people, and I'm also sure I don't want that in a partner.

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i love comments that make me go "god, i wish i wrote this!"

first off, i am so glad that this came off as nuanced because i was fighting for my life in deciding to post this. secondly, i think exclusivity is such a good point. i also don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it and i completely understand the urge actually. but as you said, it's becoming less of a personal decision and more of everyone else is living their life incorrectly and i'm returning to how things need to be.

thank you so much for being so kind and i always appreciate seeing you in my notifications!!

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Oct 29Liked by allyson.

love how you weave together your own feelings and experiences with wider insight!!

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i love you so much, eve. thank you for always being so supportive of me. <3

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amazing as always. love seeing your insight on these topics, with a mix of your own experience/perspective and others’. agree so much with this, there is no shortage of “manly men” lol and it’s so weird to me that it’s twisted this way in media.

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Thank you for sharing! This article resonated so well with me as someone who has lived in two very conflicting countries. Born and raised in Canada, but later relocated to the Middle East, the masculinity rhetoric, just as with beauty standards, seems to be different in each country. This interchange will never satisfy those who always propagate it.

Imagine, in Iraq, there was once an emo "cleanse" since emo men were deemed to be feminine, yet you won't see this belief in any other part of the world.

It’s really all about perspective, and I agree that rather than striving to be a conventional man, any good man who achieves a great environment for their children and wife is the best of men out there.

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