this was so beautiful and made me feel like i went back in time to being a kid in the backseat of my parents' car :') related a lot to the lines "I want to outrun who I was as a child." and "familiar ache of childhood" and "I chose to leave the nest—practically flung myself out of it" + the part about the older woman with her perfume was so poignant.. will be thinking about "I go home, catch a trace of it lingering on someone else, and it’s still hers." and "It’s things like that, small certainties, that make aging feel less daunting." for a while now
as always, thank you for reading and leaving these paragraphs on my work. it means so much to me when people read some intentionally and pick out the parts that truly resonated with them. you were a large part of the reason that i managed to birth this essay and get it out on time instead of letting it sit in my drafts. you’re so incredible and i’m just so glad that so many people besides myself recognize that. i love you. 🤍
as someone who doesn’t feeling the yearning to go back, I miss those small moments. I miss spending a whole Sunday reading hardly coming up for air. I miss not having to know where I’m going. But I love being in control of my food shopping, I love staying out as long as I like, I love the tiny flat I occupy in London (which made me feel more connected to this essay, London feels monstrously large)
your writing is beautiful and I can't have too much of it. I actually have been quite afraid of aging lately and reading this just brought a lot of coziness and joy 💛
This was absolutely gorgeous! I love the last line so much and also the part about the perfume. It reminds me of someone I saw last year when I took the bus. Your writing is so vivid; it's insanely beautiful!
I'm not exactly unafraid of aging, but I am so sick of Eurocentirc beauty standards. I remember when I was little, I desperately wished I was blonde and then as I got a little older, people started noticing my Jewish features and pointing them out and I got extremely self conscious and dysphoric about it all. and I'm still relatively close to the standard as a cis white woman, I can't imagine how damaging this narrow ideal is for woc and trans women. honestly I still don't really like how I look, I avoid mirrors as much as I can. less body neutrality and more doing my best to let myself exist via ignoring my physical form as much as possible lol.
I also understand what you mean about an "infant death" - when my dad died, my mom threw herself into work to cope with the loss so I basically had to raise myself from that point. and around that time I started noticing less tolerance (from all my family) for activities and behaviors that had been fine prior. and suddenly there was so much pressure on how I'll look to colleges and I was urged to join all these academic extracurriculars on top of being an AP student.... God it really is so fucked up that we're so young when we have to start planning the rest of our lives. as if we have any idea who we are at 13/14. but, anyway, a long winded way of saying I get where you're coming from about missing someone taking care of you. [sends virtual hug 🫂]
i’m sending you a hug right back rachel. i’m so sorry that you had to grow up early. that’s some thing that i wouldn’t wish on anyone. but you are somebody who has consistently shown that you possess a brave spirit and perseverance and i know that undoubtedly you’ll be fine.
and yes, i understand the beauty standard pressure more than anyone. i didn’t really go through a phase of wanting to be white as a black girl, but i know many who did and it crushes you, it has affected me other ways in my life in terms of making dating harder because you’re just expected to put more on the table because you are constantly told that you are not desirable as a black woman.
thank you for reading and i’m sending you a world full of love. 🤍
sophie!! my face broke out into a smile when i saw your name!! thank you for being here and i’m so glad my work could be what you’re reading in a sunny library. love you 🤍
this was so beautiful and made me feel like i went back in time to being a kid in the backseat of my parents' car :') related a lot to the lines "I want to outrun who I was as a child." and "familiar ache of childhood" and "I chose to leave the nest—practically flung myself out of it" + the part about the older woman with her perfume was so poignant.. will be thinking about "I go home, catch a trace of it lingering on someone else, and it’s still hers." and "It’s things like that, small certainties, that make aging feel less daunting." for a while now
as always, thank you for reading and leaving these paragraphs on my work. it means so much to me when people read some intentionally and pick out the parts that truly resonated with them. you were a large part of the reason that i managed to birth this essay and get it out on time instead of letting it sit in my drafts. you’re so incredible and i’m just so glad that so many people besides myself recognize that. i love you. 🤍
oh my god I'm gonna cry 😭 ily!!!!
my first time reading your words & it definitely will not be my last. This was so beautifully articulated! Instant subscriber 🫶
this is such an incredibly sweet comment. thank you so much. i’m so glad to have you here 🤍
as someone who doesn’t feeling the yearning to go back, I miss those small moments. I miss spending a whole Sunday reading hardly coming up for air. I miss not having to know where I’m going. But I love being in control of my food shopping, I love staying out as long as I like, I love the tiny flat I occupy in London (which made me feel more connected to this essay, London feels monstrously large)
this comment made my day. thank you so so much for reading maryam. you completely understood what i meant here.
your writing is beautiful and I can't have too much of it. I actually have been quite afraid of aging lately and reading this just brought a lot of coziness and joy 💛
this is incredibly sweet and i’m so glad that i could bring you joy. thank you so much for reading and being here 🤍
This was absolutely gorgeous! I love the last line so much and also the part about the perfume. It reminds me of someone I saw last year when I took the bus. Your writing is so vivid; it's insanely beautiful!
this is such a kind comment, wow. thank you so much for being here, sirinya!!
I'm not exactly unafraid of aging, but I am so sick of Eurocentirc beauty standards. I remember when I was little, I desperately wished I was blonde and then as I got a little older, people started noticing my Jewish features and pointing them out and I got extremely self conscious and dysphoric about it all. and I'm still relatively close to the standard as a cis white woman, I can't imagine how damaging this narrow ideal is for woc and trans women. honestly I still don't really like how I look, I avoid mirrors as much as I can. less body neutrality and more doing my best to let myself exist via ignoring my physical form as much as possible lol.
I also understand what you mean about an "infant death" - when my dad died, my mom threw herself into work to cope with the loss so I basically had to raise myself from that point. and around that time I started noticing less tolerance (from all my family) for activities and behaviors that had been fine prior. and suddenly there was so much pressure on how I'll look to colleges and I was urged to join all these academic extracurriculars on top of being an AP student.... God it really is so fucked up that we're so young when we have to start planning the rest of our lives. as if we have any idea who we are at 13/14. but, anyway, a long winded way of saying I get where you're coming from about missing someone taking care of you. [sends virtual hug 🫂]
i’m sending you a hug right back rachel. i’m so sorry that you had to grow up early. that’s some thing that i wouldn’t wish on anyone. but you are somebody who has consistently shown that you possess a brave spirit and perseverance and i know that undoubtedly you’ll be fine.
and yes, i understand the beauty standard pressure more than anyone. i didn’t really go through a phase of wanting to be white as a black girl, but i know many who did and it crushes you, it has affected me other ways in my life in terms of making dating harder because you’re just expected to put more on the table because you are constantly told that you are not desirable as a black woman.
thank you for reading and i’m sending you a world full of love. 🤍
reading this on a sunny friday afternoon in my university's library and wowww wow wow wow this is so gorgeous
sophie!! my face broke out into a smile when i saw your name!! thank you for being here and i’m so glad my work could be what you’re reading in a sunny library. love you 🤍
the fact that i can wake up and the first thing i read is this is absolutely bonkers amazing to me
me when you do anything actually! tysm for being here nadav. you’re a treasure 🤍
ITS THE FIRST THING I READ WHEN I WOKE UP TOO and now im shedding a tear at that ending, thats so cute
JANE I LOVE YOU THE MOST!! 🤍