"But I’ll keep the family home and lands in my bloodline, pay it off, and protect it. I’m infected, infested."
"Even when I die—and I hope for a water burial—I want what’s left of me to make its way into the river behind our shed. It trickles past a dam, barely held together."
"I’m still the girl who runs out to scare deer away before my dad can shoot them."
"They can try to co-opt this life, but I was here first."
and then the entire ending "The sun will sink. The dogs are going to bark into the night, and the sounds will bleed into howls, so slurred and eerie I think we’ve contracted wolves. Owls will ask their endless, haunted question: Who? Who? Who? // Me, baby. // I’ll be the strong man in this house now. My mother can’t do it anymore. // It’s how it goes."
i truly wish i could live in ur brain
(also funny the way this lined up bc i got the notification for it while i was visiting home (parents) and now im home (my own) and it feels nice to have my own home-visiting line up with yours)
i actually really love the thought that our home-goings ran parallel to each other. i love you so much. i know i say it constantly, but i just need you to always know. i hope you're taking care of yourself, angel.
"When I was younger, my biggest dream—besides 'making it'—was leaving this place behind. The whole state, even. But something has shifted. Maybe it’s a side effect of growing older or recent world events, but I know now that I can’t sacrifice the land I was rooted in."
while I don't share the same sentiment for my hometown, I completely understand what you mean. the shine of new places fades quickly (esp given the current political climate and so many people around the world eagerly voting for fascism) and while familiarity is probably a piece of why one might want to return to their hometown, that really is a huge oversimplication.
(also while I don't want to get a gun - i understand and support why other people would want to, I just do not feel comfortable with one myself - I have been looking into getting other forms of protection recently. which kind of spawned from the essay where you mentioned thinking about getting a gun lol.)
i deeply appreciate how intentional and kind you always are rachel. thank you for being who you are. and yes, the .45 belongs to my family member, not me. i cannot commit to that kind of hypothetical violence, i think. love you.
gorgeous as usual 🦌 I grew up in the desert where lots of cottontail rabbits hang around, and I’d chase them away in the mornings before my cousins could find their BB guns, like you with the deer (I understand your heart) 🐇
so so so many good lines but my favorites were:
"But I’ll keep the family home and lands in my bloodline, pay it off, and protect it. I’m infected, infested."
"Even when I die—and I hope for a water burial—I want what’s left of me to make its way into the river behind our shed. It trickles past a dam, barely held together."
"I’m still the girl who runs out to scare deer away before my dad can shoot them."
"They can try to co-opt this life, but I was here first."
and then the entire ending "The sun will sink. The dogs are going to bark into the night, and the sounds will bleed into howls, so slurred and eerie I think we’ve contracted wolves. Owls will ask their endless, haunted question: Who? Who? Who? // Me, baby. // I’ll be the strong man in this house now. My mother can’t do it anymore. // It’s how it goes."
i truly wish i could live in ur brain
(also funny the way this lined up bc i got the notification for it while i was visiting home (parents) and now im home (my own) and it feels nice to have my own home-visiting line up with yours)
i actually really love the thought that our home-goings ran parallel to each other. i love you so much. i know i say it constantly, but i just need you to always know. i hope you're taking care of yourself, angel.
"When I was younger, my biggest dream—besides 'making it'—was leaving this place behind. The whole state, even. But something has shifted. Maybe it’s a side effect of growing older or recent world events, but I know now that I can’t sacrifice the land I was rooted in."
while I don't share the same sentiment for my hometown, I completely understand what you mean. the shine of new places fades quickly (esp given the current political climate and so many people around the world eagerly voting for fascism) and while familiarity is probably a piece of why one might want to return to their hometown, that really is a huge oversimplication.
(also while I don't want to get a gun - i understand and support why other people would want to, I just do not feel comfortable with one myself - I have been looking into getting other forms of protection recently. which kind of spawned from the essay where you mentioned thinking about getting a gun lol.)
this was beautiful 💗
i deeply appreciate how intentional and kind you always are rachel. thank you for being who you are. and yes, the .45 belongs to my family member, not me. i cannot commit to that kind of hypothetical violence, i think. love you.
oh i adored this. everything you write fills me up somehow
this is such a beautiful comment. i adore you so much, anahita.
gorgeous as usual 🦌 I grew up in the desert where lots of cottontail rabbits hang around, and I’d chase them away in the mornings before my cousins could find their BB guns, like you with the deer (I understand your heart) 🐇
i love that we both understand each other. i have such a fondness for desert girls. my best friend is one. i hope you're always doing well, angel.